**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
