too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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