I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
