i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
