Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Four minutes until I can fart!
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
