sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
