Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
