strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
