Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
