I wanna bring you to show and tell
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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