i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
