I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
