Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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