Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Did I show you my penis last night?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
