Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You were trust falling into bushes
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
