No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
