we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
