i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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