He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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