she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
