Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
