I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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