did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My bed smells like the plague
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
