So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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