party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
