i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
