mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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