Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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