I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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