your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
