elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Holy shit dude........stairs
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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