If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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