apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
it glows. i had to have it.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
