Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
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