yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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