i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
