you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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