I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Well I just put wine in my tea
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
