the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
