How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
