I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
