just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
