Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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