So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
