Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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