Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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