I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
