I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
