Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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