I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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