smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
