I accidentally burped into my bong.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
