you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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