Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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