i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
