Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
