Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
