its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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