the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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