I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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