The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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