saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
