I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
