you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
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I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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