I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
