I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
